I described to Rick that I feel as if I have two brains, my rational "writing" and reasoning side and my out-of-control emotional one. I can usually think clearly, problem solve and make plans, but none of this matters (especially when I try to organize my thoughts enough to hold an intelligent conversation, trying to verbalize anything on my heart) when the emotional, and often irrational, side takes over, as it often does when I try to share my heart with anyone, especially my beloved groom. This is so overwhelming and painful to us both! Too often it feels that the emotional brain is winning.
On a totally different topic, I forgot to say that Wednesday my neurologist said something that really encouraged me. He said I was very driven and a go-getter and there was no reason to "kick my butt" like had had to do to try to motivate "most" other patients. I just had to record this before I forgot what he said. To any people in positions of power or care given, please never under-estimate the potential power of even your most casual words.
Verse of the day:
When I said, “My foot is slipping," your love, O Lord, supported me.
When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.