This year has felt much like the emotions and grief of our infertility years, I cannot even put into words how thankful I am to be able to say our time apart is finally almost behind us! It's been such a yo-yo ride.
My occupational therapist was surprised I am able to be home alone and especially to be responsible for our children, but I feel being a mom is what I was born to do! I know this cannot be taken for granted and there was much questioning about our ongoing plans for my care and our kids' safe provision (and schooling) and what my functionality level might or might not be by the time they came home.
The kids and I know exactly what to do if my emergency call button goes off since I accidentally bumped it into ("Very loud!" even yells this hearing impaired girl) activation last week. While it was an adrenaline rushing experience for all of us, it was good to have a dry run under our belts before the kids come home!
I am trying, hard, to focus on the positives, even though I ache that they are gone again. Here is a list of what I'm trying to focus on this week:
1. The end is in sight! Yes, they are gone, but it should be only for this week. Next Sunday I don't think I will have to watch them go again! (Lisa, my heart is hurting for you and other "part-time moms" and your ongoing reality, even as I share the joy in my own heart. Praying for you and your kids!)
2. I shared, years ago, with a friend, that I felt God calling me to write another book. I did not know what that would look like, the timing, circumstances, or even the topic. I did not know how I would make progress while being a parent since my family shouldn't suffer as a consequence of my divided attentions. They need to stay my first ministry responsibility, something I did not manage well the first time around! Thank you, Karla, for reminding me of this conversation.
This week I will, prayerfully, strive to get back on track with my books, while I have a quiet house! (I probably won't be answering the phone much, but Sue, if you are reading this, I didn't get your number legibly written down before, so this shout-out is the only way I can think of to contact you. Please call again when you can!)
3. Rick and I have a gift certificate to a fancy restaurant. Sounds like this week will be the perfect time for a date night.
4. We will be planning and hopefully placing our curriculum order for next year, while we have some quiet time to talk and think.
5. We hope to re-organize the school room this week too, though I will mostly just sit on the couch and ask Rick to move thing for me. I don't know that we will get through it all, but hopefully a good chunk.
6. I still have not gotten fully and consistently back on track with daily at-home therapy, since surgery (left me very limited on what I could do for a while), the blood clot scare, and the tummy flu. I've had some great times of exercise, but honestly, I'm getting burned out. I plan to change that this week.
7. I will call the counselor in the morning and see what (if anything) is happening with insurance approval. Much has changed in my emotional health since I talked to her last and I really need to start getting in to see her sooner, rather than later!
I think I have an entire week (maybe even two in a row!) without any (so-far) scheduled doctors or therapy appointments! Even one week without any would be a first since I came home from the hospital, last year! I almost feel like this coming week will be a vacation, though full enough and with enough goals to keep me focused and busy!
Today I am thinking on what it means that Christ is truly here with us. This helps me address the, "What is my earthy life even good for?" and "What purpose are my days in this life?" questions. If you have thoughts or verses about Immanuel (God With Us), not so much in the person of Christ when He walked this earth, but in our reality now, indwelled with His Spirit, please share!
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts..."