Update: Stroke of Grace has become In Darkness Sing and has moved to JenniferSaake.com.

Thirty-nine-year-old Jennifer Saake (founder, Hannah's Prayer Ministries), experienced 6 strokes via vertebral dissection at a chiropractic office, including brain stem and cerebellum bleeds, in Oct. 2011. Jenni remained hospitalized for nearly 2 months and was not expected to live (near death experience) nor recover, but if she even survived, she was slated to live out her days in a nursing home or, best case, to maybe come home but wheelchair-bound and needing 24-hour care. At 5 years, 7 months God showed how He was writing her story from the beginning.

Jenni is currently writing more books and stays active on both Facebook and Pinterest. Stroke of Grace became In Darkness Sing in early 2018 and has moved, along with all five of Jennifer's active blogs, to one location at JenniferSaake.com.

Since Jenni's chiropractor carried no insurance and moved out of the country soon after the accident (thus avoiding any legal or financial consequences), if you would like to help contribute to the Saake (pronounced like the two small words, say and key) family's massive financial needs (medical expenses alone are estimated to cost between $1- and $1.5- Million in Jenni's lifetime), please visit Jennifer Saake's Stroke Survivor GoFundMe Page. (This support information has been added in direct response to several reader requests.) The Saakes sincerely thank you for your prayers and if God prompts and equips you to send any monetary assistance as well, this is a significant added blessing.

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Among the Living

Church was hard this morning. About half way through the sermon our pastor started talking about Moses's seeing the glory of God. The message hit too close to home.


I've often questioned why I never "saw God" when I had my near death experience. It was amazing and beautiful and is still more than my heart can really process, but I never saw the face of Jesus. Today, when our pastor was talking about how Moses got to behold a glimpse of God's glory, but not His face, because Moses would be too overwhelmed, consumed even, by the sight, I realized God's grace and protection on a whole new level.

I totally lost it. I guess you could describe my reaction as a PTS recoil, but rather than this being due to trauma, it was due to overwhelming wonder and the stark contrast between this reality and the next. Simply no words are adequate for the emotional process here.

There was another issue I need to resolve with the Lord too, but that isn't for this blog.
Just as I was starting to get somewhat under control again, came our closing set of songs. We opened with a song from Psalm 51, "Create in me a clean heart, O God, restore a right spirit within me..." The tears started to fall again, as I have shared what a struggle this particular passage has been to me.

I can't even tell you what the next couple songs were, because by now our kids were concerned and stressed, trying to comfort me, so I was pretty much just focused on trying to comfort them!

But then the last song came on loud and strong, including  words along the lines of, "I go where God and glory are...this broken body I now resign..." In a totally different context than a physical stroke, meaning brain damage, this song also includes the word "stroke, " as in a measurement of time, but to me there is profound double meaning in this word. I never have made it through this particular song without tears, not once! It always does me in.

Since the tears were already flowing, and I was hick-upping to try to choke down noisy sobs, that's all I needed to really push me over the edge! I was a total mess when service ended. Then came trying to explain myself to several lovingly concerned friends. Thank you, everyone who checked on me. This is what I couldn't begin to know how to explain!

Would I trade that moment of heavenly wonder? No! I am totally thankful for God's grace in this. As I've explained to my husband, it is the most amazing part of this whole journey. But the contrast of life here, seeking to understand my purpose this side of such profound revelation, makes having a foretaste of the glory there, the homesickness,  also the very most painful part.

Bless our God, O peoples; let the sound of his praise be heard, who has kept our soul among the living and has not let our feet slip. (Ps. 66:8-9 ESV)


  1. The music brings tears every time. I even take my own tissues