I must not be so traumatized anymore. Several times today I have been surprised by the date and realizing it is another landmark. I didn't even think about the fact that this anniversary was even imminent until I noticed the date last night. Normally it would be at the forefront of my mind for many days prior and all day the day of.
It's a slow process, but my heart is healing, slowly yet steadily healing. I recently tried cutting back on my antidepressants (well, I didn't try, I just forgot to take a dose, then when I realized it was already too late to make up) and thought all would be well, because I really am feeling SO MUCH more stable, but after just one missed dose I was a basket case by that evening, so my doctor said that was a good way to learn just how much my brain chemistry is still in need of help! Since I've truly seen what a profound difference they make for me since brain injury, I will continue on them and also continue all the healing God wants to send as well!
I went back to my ENT today. Hearing testing does show slight improvement compared with a year ago, prior to surgery, but not very much. The doctor had hoped to see much more profound impact from the surgery. He did scope down my nose and the back of my throat again (YUCK! Twice is two times too many!) and agreed with my recent oral video scope that my left vocal chord is pretty significantly shriveled but, mechanically, is working surprisingly well. There are a couple of surgical interventions we can try to improve that left chord, but I'm not interested right now. Possibly something I will be ready to readdress in the future. I hope (dependent on what we can find out about insurance this week) to be having another minor in-office surgery on my left ear, again next week, in hopes of alleviating some of a pain issue, reducing pressure and possibly slightly restoring a bit more of my hearing (and maybe balance too?).
There are a ton of annoying adds there, but an article entitled How Not To Say The Wrong Things offers some great advice, worth all the scrolling and add ignoring to get the good thought offered there. So logical, so simple, so practical, but I never thought of it quite like this before. I am going to try drawing circles the next time a friend is in crisis, being more aware of to whom I am offering or seeking my own comfort.
My birthday is next week. I'm doing a lot of contemplation over where I was a year ago, what changes and progress we have seen, where losses are becoming accepted and incorporated and what new goals I hope to attain in the newly birthed future under these current limitations.