Reflecting back on my near-death experience, I can't help but be in outright awe, wonder, amazement that God could love us so much as to willingly leave the glory of Heaven, for even a moment, much less for 33 years, to become human, enter this brokenness, on my behalf. That's not even considering His purpose in coming, born to die a brutal death to pay for my sin, just the exchanging Heaven for earth aspect!
As much as I totally love my family, my husband, my children, my parents, I absolutely would have traded time with them to be in Heaven. I felt that way for that entire first year, so awesome was the experience. Slowly, the intensity of the memory is (mercifully) fading a bit, still indescribable, just not so profound as to prevent me from trying to embrace this reality while God still has me on earth. Emotionally, based on the level of love I feel here and now and the dimming memory, I would choose life if I had to make the choice this moment. But in my heart, I know if I were to be back in that moment again, I would feel the same way all over again!
So this brings me back to not being able to even remotely comprehend Christ's awesome love. That He would love me so much to leave Heaven for me, to come and die so that I will have Heaven for all eternity when this life is over. Mind blowing! So far beyond my capacity to love!
On a totally different note, I was planning to wait and post this blog tomorrow, but national news has already picked up on the shooting at the Reno, Nevada, Renown Medical Center main campus, this afternoon. Two people (including the gunman, speculated to be a former patient at my urology office) have died (as of this writing) and two more are injured. According to local Facebook chatter, the two injured are doctors at my urology clinic (there are 20 doctors on rotation, so, not yet having heard names, I don't know if they were my own doctors) and this is the hospital where I have been in the ER twice this past month, was admitted last week, had my surgery, and am currently scheduled to have my post-op appointment and stent removal on early Thursday morning. I'm in that building all the time so this hits really close to home. :( That is the specific building (out of a large campus), the very floor (large building), the very office (there are only two practices on this floor, so the entire floor is closed as an active crime scene, through tomorrow), I frequent, is quite surreal.
Who did Jesus hang out with?
Please pray for all families involved. Of course my heart especially hurts for the family members of the (wo)man (?) killed, the victims injured and their families, and all who witnessed/experienced this trauma directly. The petty part of me also worries and wonders how this impacts my ongoing care as I am still uncomfortable enough that I was really looking forward to getting this stent out. I hate that I'm thinking of me here, but I am, so it is what it is. Still reeling over this event. :( [Update, yes, it was my main doctor killed. One other doctor and one patient family member still in critical condition. My post-op has been rescheduled to Dec 20, Friday, with a temporary doctor.]
Psalm 121:1-2 “I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.”