Kathy was here to clean house (and visit!) on Thursday. I'm guessing she was pretty startled to see the physical decline since she was here last, just two weeks before. I honestly don't know if I just still am struggling to recover from kidney stones, if I am fighting off something, if I'm seeing why the doctors and therapists tend to say your best window for recovery is within the first 6 months to two years (and wonder if this is some weird regression that the therapist knew was likely coming, but no one really warned me about or at least that I didn't listen???), if this is payback for a few months away from the gym (I know my core muscles are all turned to mush and I'm slouching a lot these days), or some of all of the above. I just know that when I saw my neurologist on Monday, he started the appointment with my medical records before him and talked to me long and detailed about the specifics of my kidney stones, my ongoing recovery, the after effects, then looked me in the eye and said, firmly, "If I can offer you any piece of advice, it would be that whatever you do, DON'T GET SICK because that will mess EVERYTHING up!"
I'm sleeping 10-12 hours each night AND 2-3 hours pretty much every afternoon, basically just to have the energy to mostly sit upright in a recliner. If I skimp on the length of my nap, I can't stay awake for my seven-year-old to read to me for half an hour after school! It feels much like the exhaustion of an ME/CFSIDS relapse, with the exception of a brief burst of renewed energy upon waking each morning and afternoon, whereas ME never allowed me any restorative sleep.
I also have had a particularly low tolerance for sound, noise, pain, light, and other such neuro stimulation. I'm also much more off balance the last couple weeks. First I thought it was due to my left ear being more painful, but now that pain is less intense and dizziness is still quite stepped up. Food quality seems quite important to my overall quality of energy right now too.
I'm excited for them, but a little freaked out that my parents (my transportation) will be out of state for a few weeks for a missions trip. This, in conjunction with the whole driving question, really got me stressed and upset. I had a good cry, hugging my teddy bear hard, back in our bedroom tonight (again, without Rick - I think I record almost every time I cry, because crying not around Rick is still such a rare event and the need for tears has been building and un-satisfy-able for days!) and after a half hour of crying and praying, I feel SO much less stressed, emotionally cleared!
I did want to share an encouraging update on the church music situation. Leadership is really working with us and seeing what might be done from their end. They are still going to be trying different things and in the end, we have all agreed that they must do what they need to do to meet the community needs that God is calling them to address and we must do whatever God directs us as best for our family, but this past Sunday, when I took a preventative dose of pain medication before we went and their volume was much toned down was SO much better for me! The band has ordered some new equipment that we all pray might help the future situation too. I nearly cried in the church parking lot before we ever went in this week because I was so dreading facing this facet of the morning, then in turned out to be the best music time they have offered in many months. Praise God!!!
Record my misery; list my tears on your scroll—are they not in your record? Psalm 56:8