Mom and Dad are still out of state, so even though I'm handling that really very well, that just feels weird to know they are not just down the street. I hope they are having a blast at their Super Bowl party, right up there in the heart of Sea Hawks territory, today! (I haven't killed your plant yet, Mom!) From the practical side, I'm missing Mom's wheels and more aware than ever that I can't just hop in the car and run an errand when I want to.
Thursday, Kathy was here (thank you, friend!) and both made my kitchen sparkle again and helped fold several loads worth of laundry. I woke up encouraged that morning because I had a good dream night on Wednesday night!
Friday I woke up from my second really good night in a row. Thank you for praying! Later that morning, my fried Katie drove me up to be a guest in my son's second grade class for a few hours. I had a blast with the kids and remember why I loved teaching so much. I hope the teacher was OK with the way I pretty much took over her class while it was my turn to share. Maybe once we get back to the gym on a regular basis, I can go volunteer in our son's class once a month or so. I know I couldn't do this on a daily basis or for an extended period of time even for a single day, but it was like rediscovering a part of who I am.
Friday night was pretty rough again, trying to make up for a couple low-key dream night in a row, I guess. Saturday I admitted to a friend that this whole retrying to return to flute playing is pretty emotional and I'm kind of loosing heart. When I first tried, over a year ago, I couldn't even get enough breath support to blow a sound through just the mouthpiece and didn't have the arm strength to hold up an assembled flute. So in contrast to that very depressing first attempt, when I was sure that ever playing again could never happen, just being able to get sound out of it, to support its weight, feels like big progress now.
However, pre-stroke,I was quite proficient . I had perfect pitch. I challenged up to, then held, first chair, for parts of all 3 years of formal band (we homeschooled all 4 years of high school, so I was no longer in band but played for my church on a nearly weekly basis), was in marching band, also played pichalo, lots of solos, and this was big part of my pre-stroke identity. I could fly up and down the scales and now I'm back on page 3 of my very first flute book. I can sort of finger about 3 real notes (5 training fingerings, but two aren't real notes), but I squack and sound HORRID. Makes me want to cry and honestly. I haven't even had the heart to try again in a few days now. I hoped to give it another try today, but still haven't been up to the challenge yet. Maybe tomorrow I will finally be able to transition my thoughts from "all I have lost" to what "I am determined to regain" again.
Last night, Rick prayed with me about the dream issue as we went to bed. It wasn't my best night ever, but FAR from my worst! This morning, Rick woke up with such a bad migraine he wasn't able to drive us to church, so we have had a quiet, lazy day at home today.
Less than 2 weeks (a little over a week, actually now) until my parents get home! :)
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:12-14