Update: Stroke of Grace has become In Darkness Sing and has moved to JenniferSaake.com.

Thirty-nine-year-old Jennifer Saake (founder, Hannah's Prayer Ministries), experienced 6 strokes via vertebral dissection at a chiropractic office, including brain stem and cerebellum bleeds, in Oct. 2011. Jenni remained hospitalized for nearly 2 months and was not expected to live (near death experience) nor recover, but if she even survived, she was slated to live out her days in a nursing home or, best case, to maybe come home but wheelchair-bound and needing 24-hour care. At 5 years, 7 months God showed how He was writing her story from the beginning.

Jenni is currently writing more books and stays active on both Facebook and Pinterest. Stroke of Grace became In Darkness Sing in early 2018 and has moved, along with all five of Jennifer's active blogs, to one location at JenniferSaake.com.

Since Jenni's chiropractor carried no insurance and moved out of the country soon after the accident (thus avoiding any legal or financial consequences), if you would like to help contribute to the Saake (pronounced like the two small words, say and key) family's massive financial needs (medical expenses alone are estimated to cost between $1- and $1.5- Million in Jenni's lifetime), please visit Jennifer Saake's Stroke Survivor GoFundMe Page. (This support information has been added in direct response to several reader requests.) The Saakes sincerely thank you for your prayers and if God prompts and equips you to send any monetary assistance as well, this is a significant added blessing.

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

The (Usually) Hidden Side of Brain Damage

I had a HUGE crying, temper tantrum, melt-down, hissy-fit night around midnight Friday morning.  Poor Rick - the hidden "joys" of living with a spouse with brain damage! No one would believe what he lives with as this typically only happens behind closed doors, but it DOES happen and is UGLY! I had to totally step away from the computer (anything but the Lord and family, really) for 36 hours to try to "reset". 

When I'm worked up and sorrow suddenly gives way to panic, fear and anger, I give "careful thought" to nothing but pain.
I normally CANNOT cry AT ALL, for over 2 years now. Unfortunately for Rick, the only time I actually DO cry is when we are trying to talk. I just managed a nice cry a couple of weekends ago when we were alone and talking at our marriage conference, so you would think that would have at least been a rather recent release valve on tears and emotions, but this one was a verbal shredding, attack session, of my poor hubby unlike anything we have seen in many moons. 

I'm very thankful this is no longer a daily or even weekly reality like it was in the beginning, but it is still utterly painful and draining to us both and took us more off guard than it used to simply because it is no longer our constant state of daily being. My responses to my whole family are sharper and harsher than they were pre-stoke, so your prayers for God to soften those rough edges and reflexive reactions would be a huge blessing to all of us, along with wisdom in how to recover from and defuse future nuclear meltdowns!

I've given my family a pretty rough ride this week but am seeking God's grace and their forgiveness to get my heart back on track. It is at these moments when I think about how my chiropractor had no idea what his manipulation would do and have to take all the heartache and shattered dreams to the Lord, ONCE AGAIN!

I almost forgot to share that my skin biopsy from last week came back clear. Benign. Praise the Lord!


1 comment:

  1. Dear Jenni, I hear you and I know a little of the effects of brain damage, and the way some react to other people. We were told that the inhibitors controlling emotions, specifically anger, were weakened, and one could lash out at family and friends at the slightest provocation. It's a daily struggle to keep the Peace of our Lord in our hearts. It's so hard, and my heart goes out to you. I will be praying for you to be able to see yourself as God sees you. An imperfect child of His. You can't do this alone, I will be constantly and consistantly praying for you to hold onto His Peace, and allow your imperfect family to just love you, forgiving them their mistakes as well. Love you in Christ Jesus. Linda.