Update: The In Darkness Sing blog at JenniferSaake is experiencing prolonged technical issues, so I'm temporarily posting back here on my old Stroke of Grace blog. (You will notice many typos in older posts. I intentionally never corrected them, as they helped document my cognitive abilities at various stages of recovery.)

Thirty-nine-year-old Jennifer Saake (founder, Hannah's Prayer Ministries), experienced 6 strokes via vertebral dissection at a chiropractic office, including brain stem and cerebellum bleeds, in Oct. 2011. Jennifer remained hospitalized for nearly 2 months and was not expected to live (near death experience) nor recover, but if she even survived, she was slated to live out her days in a nursing home or, best case, to maybe come home wheelchair-bound and needing 24-hour care. At 5 years, 7 months, God clarified Jennifer's theology on healing and showed how He was writing her story from the beginning.

Jennifer is currently writing more books and stays active on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter. Stroke of Grace became In Darkness Sing in early 2018 and has moved, along with all five of Jennifer's active blogs, to one location at JenniferSaake.com. (Please see temporary update note above!)

Friday, April 15, 2016

If I Stroke

Today is Kendra's 4th re-birthday, Stroke-A-Versary. "Happy tax day!" I love you, friend. I could think of no better tribute to her than to share some letters I wrote myself not long after my own 4-year mark.

Before all the Mount Hermon Christian Writers Conference excitement came about, I had recently written (in my own handwriting, right, less stroked, dominant hand) these lists and placed them in an envelope for my husband to access and post in my hospital room if ever needed:

What My Caregivers Should Know:
1. I love you.

2. Thank you.

3. I'm not me right now, but I'm coming back.

4. This is exhausting, tedious, frustrating, shattering, painful, but we will get through this.

5. God has not abandoned us. He is still on His throne. He still is love.

6. Just because I cannot move or clearly express, I'm still a person. Please do not use my body to hold [medical] charts or other "table" type items.

If I Stroke Again

Hard Earned Lessons

1. God has not abandoned me! He is still good, still loving, still wanting relationship.

2. Rick still loves me and is faithful. I may not understand or agree with every choice he makes but his motive is my best.

3. It will not be this hard forever. Life will become beautiful.

4. Sunrises and lots of bright colors bring me joy.

5. A butterfly must be confined for a season of darkness before she spreads her wings.

6. The harder I work today, the more full long-term recovery will be.

7. Heaven will be beyond amazing, but since God has not taken me there yet, it is not His time. No shortcuts allowed!

8. Because God has not called me Home yet, He still has work for me to do here, a purpose for my life on earth.

9. Say "please" and "thank you" as often as possible.

10. My kid[s] NEED their mom.

The single passage that best encapsulates this season of life.
For me, living is Christ and dying is gain. Now if I live on in the flesh, this means fruitful work for me, and I don't know which one I should choose. I am pressured by both. I have the desire to depart and be with Christ- which is far better - but to remain in the flesh is more necessary for you. Since I am persuaded of this, I know that I will remain and continue  with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that because of me, your confidence may grow in Christ Jesus when I come to you again.
-Philippians 1:21-26 (emphasis added)

If you haven't yet read my near death experience, please see why Heaven is such a predominant theme in my letters. to myself.

You may also enjoy my Homesick for Heaven board on Pinterest.



  1. You make me proud to be your mom.

  2. This is just beautiful and a special honor for Kendra, too. You both are amazing!

  3. Excellent! Such forethought to share with those caring for you!